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Looking after me

Being a Mum is 24/7 looking after a little bundle of joy or in my case a tiny little human who runs around like she’s eaten 100g of sugar. I think it’s very easy to neglect yourself whether it’s not shaving your legs because theres a possibility you’ll fall asleep in the shower, not going out for drinks with your friends because you might fall asleep there as well, and you have bits of paint on you, and possible a bit of your toddlers dinner or not going to the doctors when you start feeling a little bit shit.


The past month I have not been myself, I have felt pretty rotten and only wish I took better care of myself by slowing down a little bit, but is it in our nature as Mums to slow down?  No

Here’s a little summary of the last month:

  • Just before my birthday my asthma went from ok to the complete opposite. I was out of breathe just by walking up the stairs, I sounded like one of Rosie’s baby rattles, constantly wheezing!
  • I took a break from my running club and started using my inhalers thinking I would get better in a few days.
  • With no improvement I went to the doctors and I was told I had a nasty infection thats aggravated my asthma so I was put on antibiotics, steroids and really strong antihistamine (hay fever is another weakness of mine!)
  • I had a week of feeling fine, the rattling went and my breathing was so much better. I still didn’t feel 100% but well enough to get back to the busy routine of looking after a 2 year old.
  • I didn’t get better
  • Within a week I went to the doctors 3 times, the first 2 I was told the infection I had a couple of weeks ago was the explanation to the horrible pain and breathlessness I was in. I felt like I couldn’t breath but I wasn’t wheezy at all, I had pain all down my shoulder, back and around my ribs.
  • I went back for a third time because the pain wasn’t gone and I was only getting worse, I was sent straight to hospital and admitted to EAU.
  • Long story short is I had a horrible experience in hospital, freaked out when I had a CT, told I had a blood clots, waited for20hrs results to confirm if I did for, freaked out, slept, freaked out even more.
  • Good news: I didn’t have a blood clot but just a serious case of pleurisy on one lung and then inflammation on the other which they’ll check again in a few weeks.

 

So the last two weeks have been pretty shit to sum it up. Not being able to breath properly has been not only exhausting but has really made me think one; how lucky I am to be healthy (as can be) but also; how difficult it is to look after a two year old when you’re not yourself.

Normal weeks

Our weeks are always busy, we love our walks and trips to any national trust park is always a favourite. We have rhyme time and toddler classes, soft play and welly walks with friends, you know the normal toddler activities every week plus the cleaning, washing, bath time, studying and work. So life is never dull and so last week where I thought I was fine became really difficult, I was struggling to take Rosie out and or do much really.


Whenever I have a cold I’ll try my best to carry on and if I’m feeling really rough we might have a chilled day at home with a bit of colouring, building blocks and a disney film. I couldn’t even manage that!

I love my Mum 

I can’t tell you how much of a hero my Mum is, as a young Mum I’m so lucky I live at home and I had my Mum to look after Rosie whilst I spent the night in hospital but also when I was out the next day. Now I’m slowly on the mend and trying to relax as much as possible (being in hospital really was horrible and the stress has caused extra pain), I’m going to try my best to make sure I don’t forget about myself from now on.


No shame 

I think it’s so easy to look at posts on twitter or Instagram at these little squares of what other Mums are doing and thinking ‘wow, they’ve really got it all together” or “they’re coping so well” and it makes you think you’ve got to constantly have it all perfect. I think I’ve realised that theres no shame in having a lazy day with your little one and you need to remember that you have a life, as much as your little one is important, but it’s important to look after yourself.


ps. I love Instagram, I’m on it all the time, but i think its deceiving because we don’t post absolutely everything about our lives. If I did you would see the piles of washing on the floor that hasn’t been hovered in a few days, or my face with no make up and looking pretty hacked off when Rosie’s thrown lego at me or the cats. So yes I am guilty of taking photos at the right angle where theres no mess, but who isn’t? 

Warning! Content getting very serious here 

I’m one to doubt myself or feel like I’m doing a rubbish job when Rosie is having a bad day and sometimes find myself slipping into this mindset that I can only describe as ‘bleugh’. Where I lack motivation, want to stay out of bed all day and feel a bit unsure on what to do with myself. Looking back I think a lot of these feelings are because I didn’t feel a 100% so I have noticed how important a healthy lifestyle is and what a difference it makes not only mentally but physically. I wouldn’t say I’m an unhealthy person, I like my chocolate but I also like my running, now that I’m on my mend I’m trying out some new changes and looking after myself.


Apologies for the serious post but I really wanted to share these thoughts I’ve had over the last few weeks. I would love to hear some thoughts from a few Mama’s out there on what you think about anything I brought up in this post. 

Thanks for reading! x

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